Presidential election defeat retreats: where McCain or Obama should go

Maybe not this hour, and maybe not next hour, but soon, and for the rest of his life, either John McCain or Barack Obama is going to want to forget this day. And right away, he’ll want a quiet place to curl up with the family while underlings peel grapes and wave fans.

Fortunately for the candidates, we’re here with advice. But it’s tough-love advice.

If you run for president and the other guy wins, you’re pretty much doomed to spend the next four years, or more, living in his world. So you might as well get used to it.

Hence, if Obama loses, no Pacific islands or Chicago Gold Coast gaudiness will do. And should McCain finish as runner-up, no Beltway bunkers or dry Sonoran Desert sand. It’s time to start living in that other guy’s world.

And so to our top defeat-retreat recommendations.

Where McCain should go: Sometimes nothing feels better than a bout of volcanic rage. So why not head to the Volcano House on Hawaii’s Big Island for a glimpse of the real thing?

The flowing lava of Kilauea is close at hand, some rooms have crater views (they go for $230 nightly) and all have wood-framed petroglyphs to remind you that this administration too will pass.

If that seems too rustic (Cindy?), hop over to Maui and take the Hana Highway to the Hotel Hana-Maui.

This neighborhood worked for Charles Lindbergh when he wanted to be left alone (his grave is nearby at Kipahulu). It worked for the late George Harrison too; he had a 63-acre place in nearby Nahiku.

At the Hotel Hana-Maui you’re handy to Hamoa Beach, and the Sea Ranch Cottages can be had for $595 to $1,675 a night. But you’ll want to spring for the Plantation House, which sits on four private acres, features two bedrooms, 2½ baths and a kitchen, and runs $4,000 nightly. And here’s the best part: no television, no radio.

To ease back into public life: Just call over to the Punahou School (Obama’s alma mater on Oahu) and offer full-ride scholarships to every kid willing to vote Republican for life.

Where Obama should go: We would have suggested Canyon Ranch, the super-exclusive retreat in the northeastern foothills of Tucson. (The Casa Grande there is 2,700 square feet.) But they don’t take kids under 14, so cross them off the list.

Then we were going to recommend Miraval Tucson, whose 118 rooms occupy 400 acres at the base of the Santa Catalina Mountains. They’ve got horses and a fancy spa. But the reservations agent wasn’t sure if there was a basketball hoop, so scratch that.

Head instead for the Arizona Biltmore Resort & Spa in Phoenix. Built in 1929 (just in time for an economic collapse; hmmm), its design shows plenty of Frank Lloyd Wright’s influence, and management had the wisdom to include a basketball hoop and half-court along with the 739 guest rooms, 78 villas, five restaurants and seven tennis courts, along with various nearby golf courses.

Plan on spending $1,000 a night or more for the Goldwater Presidential Suite. Yes, you’re reading that right. And isn’t it a comfort? You don’t have to actually win the presidency to get a presidential suite named after you.

To ease back into public life: Spend a family outing collecting desert dirt clods. Then toss them over the fence at the nearest mansion. There’s always a chance that they’ll land in one of McCain’s swimming pools.

— Christopher Reynolds/Los Angeles Times

[Photos: Plantation House (top) at the Hotel Hana-Maui; courtesy of hotelhanamaui.com. Arizona Biltmore (bottom) in Phoenix; courtesy of arizonabiltmore.com.]

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 4, 2008 at 2:30 pm by Christopher Reynolds and is filed under Arizona, Celebrity, Hawaii, Hawaii's Big Island, Hotels, Islands & Beaches, Last Minute, Luxury Travel, Maui, Spa, Washington D.C.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.